


Jearmin Week!

by incredibly_cold



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Jearmin - Freeform, Jearmin Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 20,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1959039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incredibly_cold/pseuds/incredibly_cold
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A compilation of stories for Jearmin week, one per chapter. No two stories are connected unless specified. New chapters will be posted every day this week.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Protect

**Author's Note:**

> Armin isn’t sure how he feels about killing that woman. On one hand, he’s a murderer. But on the other, Jean is still alive. He isn’t sure if it was really the right thing to do, but he wouldn’t change it in a million years.

He couldn’t believe he had done it. Not even now, when they were back ‘home’ and it was all done. Even sitting here in the corner of the room with his legs curled up to his chest and his elbows on his knees. He had spoken to Jean about this once, about giving up your own humanity for the greater good. It had seemed so easy back then, like knowing that you were helping humanity in the long run would make it all okay and worth it. Like it would wipe away the faces of the humans who died because of you. He knew now that that wasn’t true.

The worst part of it was that he didn’t know if he had really helped humanity at all. Maybe Jean wouldn’t ever help the world. Maybe he would hurt it. It was possible, he supposed, that humanity was safest as it was, behind the walls and never questioning that the government and the military were doing all they could to protect them. Maybe they were all better off not knowing the truth about the titans, about anything. What he had done, he had done for selfish reasons. He had killed that woman, that human, because he couldn’t stand the thought of a world without Jean.

Thinking about it didn’t make it better. It made it all worse. No one was proud of him, for what he did. They looked at him with fear and disgust. They thought he was a monster too. Even Jean. Jean was worse than the others. He was so clearly horrified and it was awful because he had done it all to protect him. No matter how much he loved him though, Jean would never feel the same way. He was in love with Mikasa.

He was glad that Mikasa could be there, even if Eren couldn’t. She had killed another human before. She understood at least that there were times when there was no other option. Times when you had to kill or be killed, or watch someone you love die. He knew that given the same situation she probably would have killed that woman to save him or Eren. But she wouldn’t be as weak as him. She wouldn’t be crying or vomiting because of what she had done, she would accept it and move on. She would be strong, like she always was.

"Armin?"

The familiar voice jerked him from his thoughts. The voice that wouldn’t be here if not for him. If not for the fact that the woman had hesitated. If not for the fact tat she had been a better person than he was. “Yeah, Jean?” His voice was feeble, shaking and cracking pathetically. He hated it.

"I’m…" The taller brunet trailed off, probably put off by being around someone like him. Someone so useless, who had killed without a thought. "Thank you for what you did."

"You’re welcome I guess." Armin replied dully, not bothering to look up from where he sat on the floor. He couldn’t look into those eyes, not now. Jean was thanking him, yes, but Jean was self centered and always had been. Of course he would be glad to be alive, how could he not be? It didn’t mean anything. It didn’t mean he didn’t view Armin as the scum that he was.

"Armin, you did what you had to. There’s no reason to be ashamed." It was funny, his voice almost sounded pleading. Like he wanted Armin to feel better. Almost.

"Yeah, but you didn’t." He pointed out. " I didn’t actually have to. I would have been fine if I hadn’t, you’re the one who had to and you didn’t." He wasn’t sure why he said it, because it made it sound like he was mad at Jean. He wasn’t, really. God help him, he could never be mad at Jean. Not for this, and not for anything. It wasn’t his fault that this happened, it was Armin’s.

Jean slid down the wall to sit beside Armin, looking horribly defeated. It made him feel even worse. “I know, and I should have shot her myself, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t as strong as you were. I’m sorry.”

"I wasn’t strong Jean, I was weak. I couldn’t deal with you dying. I knew I couldn’t handle it, so I let myself become a murderer. I sunk to their level. You were above that, you should be proud of yourself. If we all die tomorrow then at least you still have the moral high ground. You and all the others." Armin argued. Not that it could really be called arguing, it was more of a weak mumbling than anything else.

"No it isn’t, because it’s my fault you’re like this. At least if I had done it you would have been okay."

That registered something inside of him. Some kind of hope, however small. “Why do you care if I’m okay? All you ever worry about is yourself. Shouldn’t you be happy that I did it? You’re alive and you don’t have to feel guilt. It’s a win win.”

"Armin, I haven’t felt that way since Marco died. He saved my life, you know. That’s probably why he died. It’s my fault and it should have been me. I just don’t want anyone else to suffer so I can live." He explained. Of course, he had been stupid to even consider anything deeper or special about him. The only thing special about him was how unendingly useless he was. All he ever did was make people worry.

When he spoke again he couldn’t keep the shaking out of his voice. “And you think I’m suffering?”

That earned him a sigh and Jean’s stupid hopeless voice. “I know you are, it isn’t hard to tell.” Why did he have to act like this, it would be easier if he had just left it as a thank you. Sure, having him care was nice, but he didn’t care the same way as Armin and that was more painful than indifference.”

"But I’m alive, so you can stop worrying about me." He turned away, tucking his head between his arms. He wanted this conversation to be over already, why couldn’t Jean just leave him to his self-loathing?

There was another sight and a brief hesitation before the other boy responded. “God Armin, I’ll never stop worrying about you.” His voice was filled with more emotion than Armin had really heard from him before. Well, aside from the hatred in it when he spoke of titans and the military police. This wasn’t hatred, it was more complex than that. There was fear, and sadness, and reief, and something else too.

It was too much for Armin to understand by himself. “What?”

"Armin, I know you don’t feel the same way that I do, and I’m fine with that. Really, I am. I just want you to be okay. I love you." Jean talked faster now. It seemed that now that he had gotten it out there he just wanted to explain all of it.

Even so, it was too much for Armin to believe. Why would anyone ever love him? How was it even possible? He was nothing, useless, they were all better off without him. Sure he was smart and level headed, but so were Mikasa and Levi, when it came right down to it he was superfluous. He was reading too much into it, obviously Jean would never love him, not thatway. They would never feel the same way. “Like as a friend.” He concluded uncertainly, turning to face Jean in a more comfortable position on his knees.

Jean had to look the other way for a moment as though mustering up his courage to make eye contact and speak again. “More than as a friend. I’m not trying to pressure you by saying that, and I’m sorry if it comes across like that, but I need you to understand that I’ll always accept you, whatever you do. I don’t care that you killed that woman, it doesn’t change you. What I care about is that you’re upset about it. I’m here for you, however you need me to be here.”

"Jean, you don’t have to pretend to feel that way for my sake." Obviously that must be why he was saying this, there was no other logical explanation. "I’d rather you just be honest with me."

"I am being honest. I would never lie to you about something like that. What are you trying to say?" Jean sounded almost offended at being accused of lying.

Armin didn’t buy it. “What you already know. I mean I’ve saved your life three times now, and risked my life for you. I mean I would die the most painful death a thousand times over, if it meant you would be okay. You must have noticed how I feel by now. If you hadn’t then you wouldn’t-“

He was interrupted when Jean’s lips crashed into his own, causing him to gasp in shock. It felt like what he imagined a heart attack might. An intense pain in his chest so strong that he would have pulled away if not for the wall behind him. Instead, he did the next best thing and wrapped his arms around Jean’s shoulders, loosing himself in the feeling of Jean’s chapped lips catching on his own smooth ones. After a moment he broke the kiss so that he could do an awkward sort of half crawl over to straddle Jean’s lap. From here he was even a little bit taller than the other boy.

"Jean, I swear to god if you’re not serious I won’t save you next time."

Jean snorted, looking up at him with those amber eyes. He opened his mouth to say something and Armin imitated Jean by kissing him right then and there, taking advantage of Jean’s open mouth by slipping his tongue inside and tracing the line of his teeth. His mouth still tasted like the soup they had eaten for dinner. He let out a satisfied sigh into the other boy’s mouth and knew that it was all worth it. He would always protect Jean.


	2. Lucid Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean is a little league baseball player who thinks of nothing but himself. At least, not until he has a dream about a boy named Armin. Now he can’t get him off his mind, but he couldn’t remember where he knows him from if his life depended on it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's prompt is lucid dreaming, so let's start with the creativity and making things up on my own. For those of you who do not know, a lucid dream is when one is aware that they are dreaming or becomes aware during the dream. This can sometimes give them some sort of control over their dream, and sometimes they just let what happens happen. Yeah, just saying, in this particular fic the dream becomes lucid rather than starting out that way, just so you know. Modern high school (sort of I mean it's summer but they are still high school students) AU because yeah why not. So now you all know, on with the chapter.

_Jean's team had won the baseball game, and all the players were hugging and clapping each other on the back as usual. Jean loved baseball. He loved the running and the thrill of victory. The cheer of the crowd when he got a home run. It was his favorite thing so far in life._

_He was just getting a drink of water when a boy came up to him. He wasn't sure how he knew that he was a boy, since by all rights his blond hair, not quite down to his shoulders with blunt bangs, and his slight build that made him look very much like one of those twiggy sort of girls, but he did. The boy was several inches shorter than Jean, and he looked up at him with big, round, blue eyes that resembled either a child's or an angel's and grinned. It was a coy sort of grin, one with his head tilted down despite the fact that Jean was higher up, and Jean was momentarily confused. Why did he like seeing that? He was straight after all._

_"Congratulations on the game, Jean. The team couldn't have won without you." Even his voice was sort of girly, in an endearing way. Jean could feel his heart get all fluttery._

_"I couldn't have done it without you here cheering me on, Armin." Armin? He knew that it was the right name, but it was sort of a weird one. It was amazing that he had remembered it, considering that he didn't have a clue who this boy was or how he knew him. Jean did know, however, that he was totally flirting with the kid. He was still sort of confused as to why, but he figured that he might as well just go with the flow. It felt right to flirt with him, somehow._

_The other boy giggled and Jean understood why it felt right. This kid was fucking adorable. "Thanks for inviting me to the game. I've always liked baseball, my grandpa and I used to watch all the time."_

_"You never played?" He asked teasingly, trying and succeeding to look cute and interested. Man, he was really on point tonight. First all those home runs that won them the game, and now this._

_"Oh god no, I'm terrible at like every sport in the world. I'm clumsy." Armin looked to the side in embarrassment, putting his hands in his pockets. He was still grinning that flirtatious little grin though, so Jean knew he was still in the green._

_"Aw, you can't be that bad." He put his own ands in his pockets, inadvertently mirroring the actions of the other boy, and leaned forward so that their faces were closer to the same level._

_"Trust me, I am. Plus, I wouldn't look half as good as you in the uniform, it'd be embarrassing."_

_Jean knew that he looked good in his uniform, the thin vertical stripes accentuated his long legs and slim body. It was probably his second favorite part of being on the team, next to the games themselves. Girls seemed to like him even better than usual when he was wearing it. Of course, his personality did deflect some of the attention, but that was normal. They always said they didn't want to compete with his ego, whatever that was supposed to mean. Apparently though, Armin liked it too, and Jean knew somehow that the boy didn't really mind his personality one bit._

_"I'm sure it'd look great on you." Jean looked down and to the side as he spoke, keeping on a pleasant but shy smile that closely resembled Armin's. He wasn't entirely pretending either, he was sort of shy about this whole flirting with another dude thing. Sure, Armin was clearly interested, but that didn't change the fact that Jean was totally straight (he was like 90% sure at this point) and he had never done this before._

_Armin dodged the compliment by replying. "I'd still make us lose every game."_

_Oh god he had referred to them as a collective, this could not get any more wonderful. They were practically a couple already, which was weird in a way considering that they were being this gay in public and no one had said anything. Why weren't his team mates making fun of him? Even in a joking way? Come to think of it, it seemed they had left, and so had all the fans. The baseball diamond was empty and the sun was starting to go down. Funny how fast time went by when you were flirting with a cute guy._

_"Maybe we could work on your pitching then. It would be fun." He suggested. Playing catch while the sun set was pretty romantic, in his opinion. Especially since Armin actually liked baseball._

_The other boy blushed and Jean nearly died right there because his heart felt like it was melting. "That sounds great."_

_So Jean went to his truck (yeah most people who owned trucks were douche bags but his was cool because he put pillows and blankets in the back and went to drive in theaters on weekends) and pulled out a baseball and two mitts. He wasn't sure why he had two of them, but it was pretty convenient. Then he and Armin went back out onto the field to get started._

_Armin hadn't been lying, he was terrible at throwing. Sure, he was usually able to catch the ball since Jean always threw it right to him, but his throws were all a few feet off so Jean kept having to run around to catch it or pick it up. Even so, it was fun. Armin kept getting more and more flustered and red faced as the time passed until finally Jean took pity on him and helped take him through the motions of a proper throw. It was really just an excuse to hold him, but it did seem to help. Finally though it got dark out and the lights all went out and then Jean had a sudden realization that this was a dream._

_It was sort of disappointing, but it made sense, and Jean hadn't woken up yet. He asked the other boy if he wanted to sit in the back of his truck, and of course, since this was a dream, Armin said yes. The pillows and blankets were already laid out, which was nice. Dreams were so helpful that way, they were like an unconscious wing man or something. Jean laid down flat on his back and Armin curled up on his side, resting his head on his chest like something off a chick flick, and they stayed there like that watching the stars (which were brighter than they would have been in real life) until Armin must have fallen asleep._

* * *

Sadly, at that point Jean was unable to hold the dream any longer, and he woke with a distinct ache in his chest. What the hell? He didn't even know that was a thing that really happened. The problem was that it wouldn't go away. It remained throughout the day, while he got ready and ate breakfast. Even when he went out with his best friend Marco, which was annoying because it was really distracting and they had been planning this for like a week and he felt bad.

After a while it came to the point where Marco couldn't ignore it anymore. "What's wrong with you today? You're acting all weird." His freckled friend piped up during lunch.

What was he supposed to say? 'I had a gay dream about some boy that I know I've seen somewhere, and I don't know where so I'm worried I'll never see him again' No, that would end horribly. Or maybe it wouldn't, Marco was pretty open minded. "I'm just sort of distracted because I can't remember something." Jean stated instead. He might as well play it on the safe side.

"Maybe I know what it is. I mean if you remember a little bit of it then I could try to help, right? I don't like hanging out when you're like this."

Well maybe it was worth a shot. It was entirely possible that Marco would just think he remembered him and it was driving him nuts that he couldn't remember where fun. That was partially true anyway. "There's this kid named Armin and I don't know how I know his name or where he's from." He explained. The rest of it was unnecessary.

"Armin, huh? The name sounds sort of familiar. I mean it's not like it's a common name or anything." He looked really thoughtful, like he was trying to remember the secrets of the universe. "Is he kind of short?"

"Yeah, actually." Jean responded slowly. It was amazing, either Marco was just pulling this out of his butt or he actually knew the kid. Of course he would though, Marco seemed to know everyone in town.

"Blue eyes, blond coconut hairdo? Looks kinda like a girl?" So he really did know him! Jean hadn't really thought of his hair as looking like a coconut, but it was sort of true. He did look like a girl though, that much was undeniable.

"What the hell, how do you know that?"

"His mom is friends with mine. We've had to endure their talking. He's sort of awkward and shy but he's nice." Marco explained.

This was awesome. Not only did he know the kid, his personality was alos like it was in the dream. hat means that they must have had some kind of conversation before. He had to have met him somewhere. "Does he have a job by chance?"

"Yeah, I think he works at The Classic Bean. You know, that coffee shop over by the mall?"

And suddenly it all clicked. He went down there about once a week, and Armin was a new barista. He had only seen him once or twice, and he had tried to start a conversation, but then the blonde would always get all flustered. That was right, it was where he knew him from. He had to go there and ask him to come to a game. Not today, obviously, because Marco was here and you don't just ask a guy on a sort of date while your best friend who thinks you're straight stands there. Not that it was a real date or anything, but if if stopped this achy feeling in his chest then it was worth it.

"Oh my god, you're a genius. Thanks Marco, I'd be a wreck without you." He tried to pretend that his relief was just from knowing where he knew him from, but from the look he got, he knew his friend saw right through the act.

"No problem."

* * *

The next morning Jean went to The Classic Bean, and was disappointed to find that Armin wasn't there. He didn't have any plans though, so he decided to wait and see if he came in later in the day. He had brought a book just in case something like this happened. Not that he planned on actually reading it, he was far too distracted for that, but it would give him something to pretend to do while he waited. It was a good thing this place had comfy chairs, or he would have gone crazy. By the time the kid showed up Jean was ready to kill someone. It had been six whole hours.

He waited for him to be behind the counter and then made his move. He was going to order a coffee, and just be really casual about it. It would be great, what could go wrong?

The blond flashed him his usual smile, causing his heart to get all fluttery again. "Welcome to The Classic Bean, how may I help you?"

"Uh, hey there. Could I get an iced caramel latte?" Yes, it was technically a girly drink, but it was also delicious so he didn't care. "Oh yeah, a medium." He added, when the other boy started to open his mouth. Armin smiled and rang him up

"That'll be three dollars and fourteen cents." He told him, and snickered .

"What?" Jean asked, looking down at his clothes self consciously. He knew he should have worn something different, jeans and a t-shirt were  _not_  ask someone out on a date clothes. He was such a moron.

The blond tried to hold in his giggles, which just made it worse, and before long his face was red from lack of oxygen as he finally managed to form coherent words, "It's pi."

"What?

"Three point one four, your total is pi." He managed, through more of his endearing giggles. God he was cute. Also a fucking nerd, but that almost made him better. "I just thought it was funny."

"I guess it is." Jean agreed, though he really didn't think so that much. He pulled out his wallet and handed over the money. He used exact change, just because he might as well. His laugh was so cute that he wouldn't really mind seeing it again. "Hey, I was wondering if you liked baseball." He began nervously. "I mean I've got a game this Saturday down by the lake and if you wanted to come then that would be cool." He

Armin looked from the armchair where he had been waiting and back to him. Apparently he had noticed Jean when he walked in His cover was totally blown. "Were you waiting for me to come in so you could ask me?" His grin was almost obnoxious, and Jean knew that his own face was probably bright red.

"Yeah, kind of a little bit." He admitted, looking down at his hands. "I uh, if you don't want to go-"

"What time is it?" Armin cut in, still looking overly pleased with himself, like he had just done something cool, even though it was really just Jean having done something stupid.

"Seven o'clock." He stammered. "Like pm not am." Once again, stupid and unnecessary. Obviously he wasn't have a game at seven in the morning. It was sort of a night time thing.

"You're cute. How can I refuse?"

Jean felt a rush of confidence at that. He thought he was cute. Of course he did, he totally was and anyone would have to be blind not to see it, but it still felt good to hear. "So see you there?"

"Yeah, you will." Armin confirmed, smiling and handing him his coffee.

Maybe dreams really did come true.


	3. That's the good thing about dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin’s dreams are always the same. Just him and Jean together on the beach. No worries, no problems. That’s the good thing about dreams, they were always perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to do a more whimsical dream for Armin, so here you go.

_Armin as at home, in his house by the ocean. It wasn't his real home, but it was where he went when he was dreaming. He loved the ocean, it was so big and blue and beautiful. Eren said it was the same color as his eyes, but he thought that was stupid. The ocean changed all the time, it was impossible to say it was any one color like his eyes were._

_If he really wanted to he knew he could have changed his dreams. He could make anything happen that he wanted to, but he preferred to just let things happened. He liked his little house on the shore, and the way it sat on stilts to keep it out of the water even when the tide came in. It was just like the ones in his old books. Lately he wasn't the only one living there. Jean had moved into his little dream house somewhere along the line. That was the part that he wanted changed the least, he loved living with Jean. It wasn't like living with people in real life, he didn't have any annoying little habits, and he never got upset. It was like being in heaven. Or at least, what Armin thought heaven would be like._

_Tonight the tide was low and it was wonderfully sunny. He took Jean by the hand and brought him outside to sit under the house. ALl kinds of little creatures lived under the house. Crabs and snails and sea urchins. They sat together in the piles of washed up seaweed, sorting throught the sand to find seashells. They didn't need to talk exactly, they mainly just laughed at nothing. That was another nice thing about dreaming, they had a sort of connection. They didn't need to talk to know what the other thought or felt._

_There was a yelp from the man beside him, and Armin glanced over to see that one of the shells was actually a hermit crab. He giggled and helped to remove it, not even really noticing that it put their faces just inches away from one another's._

_It was Jean who initiated the kiss, as it always was in his dreams. His soft lips sliding against Armin's for a moment before he opened his mouth and allowed his tongue inside. Jean was surprisingly gentle when they kissed, tracing his tongue and teeth carefully, as if doing it too quickly or getting it wrong would make his boyfriend mad. As if. Armin pushed him to the ground, smiling, and climbed on top of him._

_"I love you, Armin."_

_"I love you too."_

_And then their mouths were back together, and everything was perfect and just how it should be. That was what he loved about dreams, there was never anything to worry about. No titans and no worrying about not feeling the same way about each other. Everything ws always just how it should be. Maybe that meant that he did control the dream, but it wasn't consciously._

_When they broke apart again they were high up in the air, the ground blurred by fog and wisps of cloud. Jean had wings, which meant that he must too. One was black and one was white, like the wings of freedom, and Jean did look free up here. No worries and nothing to care about, it was just the two of them, together, as it always should be. He looked at his back, hoping to see his own set of beautiful wings, and found that he didn't have them. He was walking in the air, like magic. It wasn't real magic of course, and he couldn't really walk on air, but with Jean beside him he couldn't find the energy to care._

_They held hands again, as by some mutual thought they decided to dive to the ground. It was the ultimate sort of freedom, flying. They didn't even have to obey gravity. They were in charge of their own lives. They plummeted downwards, loving the rush of the wind and the sight of the ground rising up to meet them. The trees became visible and then they got bigger and bigger until they were so close that they seemed to almost be proper sized trees, and then Jean flared his wings out and Armin slowed his descent at a matching pace until they were hovering just feet above the ground. He wasn't really sure when it changed from ocean to forest, but it had, and now they were beside a river. It was a perfect opportunity for a race._

_He didn't say anything to his boyfriend, which gave him a few seconds head start as he rocketed along towards the ocean, where this river must end. He couldn't stop his laughter when he felt the rush of air behind him from Jean's wing beats. It wasn't because it was funny, he was just giddy with the feeling of flying. That and beating Jean. He never beat Jean._

_That was probably why he was so determined to win, and right here in his own dream, he was invincible. He sped up, even though he had been going as fast as he could when he started out, and zipped around the bend. The ocean was right there in front of him, lit up by the setting sun, and he stopped halfway to the water. Jean was close behind him, wrapping his arms around him and carrying him up to the roof top._

_The water had risen now, so that the edge of the roof was at the same level as the water, and even though he knew that it made no sense, he loved it. It was just so beautiful and peaceful, especially when Jean's wings wrapped around him, cradling him in their warm softness. It made him happy._

* * *

When he woke up he was still next to Jean, but it was different. He didn't have wings, and they weren't on the roof of their house by the beach. It was arms around him now, with soft smooth skin and hard muscles. It had taken him a while to get used to those arms, they would give him nightmares about being grabbed by titans, but now they gave him comfort and sweet dreams. They gave him peace.

Armin propped himself up on his arms, and planted a kiss on his temple, being gentle so as not to wake him up. "I love you, Jean." He whispered quietly, nuzzling into Jean's shoulder.

"I love you too."


	4. Dishonesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was a promise that Armin had made himself back when he had first decided to accept his feelings for Jean. A promise that he should never have made.He had sworn that he would never let this go so far that if Jean died, he would be lost without him. He should have known he was lying to himself from the very beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight AU in which things go differently when the Colossal and Armored titans' identities are revealed. I would just like to apologize in advance and tell you that I hate this prompt because this is the only way I could think of going. Probably because I'm demented and depressing, but hey what can you do? Yeah I'm still really sorry.

It seemed that nothing else could go wrong at this point. Annie was in some weird cocoon and she wasn't coming out, and now Reiner and Bertholdt had run away with Eren and Ymir. He didn't know what was happening there exactly since he had thought Ymir was a prisoner of some sort. Now it looked like she might have joined them. After all, why else would she kidnap Christa?

But of course, something else could always go wrong. The armored titan, no, they knew who he was now. He would never call him that again.  _Reiner_  had begun throwing titans at them. It wasn't a big deal to him at first. Sure, people were dying, but they had known that people would die going into this, and besides it was no one that he knew personally, so why should he waste precious time and energy caring about them? There were more important things at hand. Everything was hectic, with all three branches of the military, and it was hard to know exactly what he was supposed to do. He was mostly sure that they had gotten Eren, but he couldn't see him, and the back of Reiner's neck was facing away from him. But then the unthinkable happened. One of the thrown titans was heading straight for him and Jean, and despite his warning shout, Jean was unable to avoid it.

His body was slammed into the ground and rolled several feet, limp as a rag doll. When he came to a stop, the blood was already flowing down the side of his face, and suddenly nothing else existed to Armin. He had heard people say things like that before. That everything else seemed to vanish, but the had never thought that they meant actual tunnel vision that prevented them from seeing anything else. Then again, that was supposed to happen when you were happy, and this was far from happy. Maybe that wasn't what he was experiencing at all. It didn't matter what was happening to him, the important thing was Jean.

When he reached his side the other boy appeared to be eyes were closed and his face was relaxed. If it weren't for the trickle of blood it might have looked like he was sleeping. As it was, however, Armin was worried he might never wake up. He tried to lift him, to carry him back to his horse, anything, but the extra weight caused him to trip and fall over backwards with Jean half on his lap. His head was sort of dangling over the side of his leg now, and Armin had to hold it up in a effort to prevent further injury. The most bizarre things kept popping into mind, like how Jeans head felt a lot heavier than ten pounds and that was supposed to be what heads weighed, and how really it should feel lighter than ten pounds since he was loosing blood. That blood was now soaking his pants and staining the white fabric red.

"Jean, please. You're okay. You'll be okay Jean." He heard himself speak, although he hadn't ever really decided to, and it was odd because he was either whispering or shouting and he had no idea which.

It didn't really matter either way because Jean didn't listen to him. His lips were moving weakly and somehow Armin was able to make out what he was saying. "Armin, he's here. It's Marco, do you see him?" His eyes were halfway lidded and dull against his horribly pale skin. "It's so bright out. Was it like that before?"

"Jean no, listen to me, you're fine, just a little confused. You hit your head, you'll be fine." Even making eye contact with him, they weren't really looking at each other. Jean was somewhere else, where Armin couldn't follow.

"Good, I can't die now. Marco's back, I can't die." He smiled then, and gave a feeble cough that brought up blood. "I missed you Marco."

He must be hallucinating, that was all. People who got head injuries hallucinated all the time. It was normal, he would be okay. "Please, Marco isn't here, you're just confused is all. Everything is fine."

"No it's not, you're crying." Jean's eyes found him for a moment before they were unfocused again. His breaths were getting weaker by the second and Armin didn't know what to say because he hadn't actually realized that he was crying. He had been too focused on the way Jean's head kept getting lighter and that was definitely a bad thing because it was way better off when it had seemed too heavy. Jean wasn't going to make it.

Why was no one here? Why wasn't anyone helping them? He had to do this, he had to be strong for Jean. Jean the self preserving bastard who thought that he would be okay. He couldn't know what was really happening. "Everything is okay, I promise. I'm crying because I'm happy Marco's back."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, I was just joking with you." The excuse never would have worked on a healthy Jean, but now it made the other boy smile and nod. "You're going to fall asleep soon, but that's okay. When you wake up your head will be all better, okay?"

"Can you sing me a song?"

It was such an absurd request that it took a minute to register. Why would he want a song? But then, he wasn't entirely himself right now and nothing should be that surprising right now. It was just sad. "Yeah Jean, I can sing to you." He assured him, searching frantically through his mind for a song. He knew plenty of them, that wasn't the problem, he just didn't know the words. He didn't have much time, his lips were starting to turn grey like lips always did when people died. He finally landed on some song his mother used to sing before she died, and he hummed it close to the other boy's ear so that he could hear. Right here he could feel each weak breath blowing on his neck, including the last shallow shaky one that cut into him like a knife.

It was all a blur after that. He dimly recalled trying to fight a titan away from Jean's body with a single blade, and Eren somehow controlling the titans. He remembered putting Jean on his horse and riding back to the wall with him. Closing his eyes and laying some stupid flowers on his chest. He was burned with the others, his ashes indistinguishable from theirs. Gone, nothing. Just a memory. Just a smell like burnt meat lingering.

* * *

That was when he really broke. The last thing he had ever done with Jean was lie to him, and now he knew that he had lied to himself as well. He had always told himself that if Jean died he could carry on, but those were empty words. He had seen too many friends go, and Jean had been different. He had really loved him, the way boys were supposed to love girls. Maybe that's why he had never told him, but it was too late, now he didn't even have the choice. He wished that he did. He wished that it would stop hurting. He wished that he was stronger, so that he wouldn't have to do what he was about to do.

It had taken him a long time to decide how he would do it. The resources were limited, and he didn't want to be stopped. It had to be fairly quick. His choice was made for him. He managed to get away from everyone, thankfully. He didn't want to make any excuses, he just wanted to be left alone right now.

It had taken a lot of work to get here. First he had to do a lot of research about knots, which was sort of difficult to conceal from the others. A noose seemed to be the proper type of knot, but Armin couldn't figure out how to make one, so he substituted with a slip knot like people used when they crocheted. Of course, his made with rope rather that yarn, but it was still simple and effective. He had tested how well it tightened by tying it to his bunk and putting one foot through the loop. He had nearly woken Eren, and it had hurt his foot pretty bad, but it was better than finding out later that it wouldn't work.

He had managed to sneak out a stool earlier in the week, and now he stood on it to tie the other end of the rope to a strong looking branch on one of the trees outside the camp. He double checked that the rope wasn't too long before slipping it around his neck. Actually he had to stand on his tiptoes to keep himself on the stool. That was good, he couldn't stand on his tiptoes forever. 

Armin stood there for a moment, breathing deeply. He had that terrible nervous feeling in his stomach and it wouldn't go away. What if this didn't work? What if it really hurt? Above all he felt sorry. Sorry for being weak, sorry for lying and hiding his feelings from Jean, sorry that he was doing this to himself and hurting Eren and Mikasa. But no matter how sorry he was, it wasn't going to change his mind. He had to do this. With shaky movements, he hooked a toe on the edge of the stool and stopped using his other foot to support himself.

As he had expected, his initial startled kick was enough to knock the stool over, and suddenly he was dangling there. He had been right in more than one way. Not only did the slip knot do the trick perfectly, it was also extremely painful. It felt like his head was going to explode from all the blood in it, and he could feel his windpipe crushing underneath his weight, there were black spots dancing across his vision as well, and for a split second he wished he had done this some other way. Mercifully it didn't take too long for his brain to run out of oxygen and stop feeling the pain. 

And there was Jean, smiling his typical cocky smile, and Armin was walking over to him somehow. He looked back and saw himself, as if from a different world. His eyes were bulging and bloodshot and his face was purple. He looked awful. He hoped that whenever someone found him some of that ugly purple would go away, but it was hardly important to him anymore. He was with Jean.

When he turned back the other boy was looking at his body, a sad sort of smile on his face. "Armin, I have to say. I'm glad to have your company again, but I never wanted it to happen this way."

"I know, but I couldn't do it without you. I was in love with you." He explained. He felt the need to justify his actions somehow.

"Yeah, I know. I was too, sorry I never told you." It was only a small surprise for him. He already sort of knew it. He already sort of knew how everyone felt about him now. It was strange. "It all seems so stupid now, worrying about you not feeling the same way. What's the worse thing that could have come from it?"

"Well we're together now. And we'll never lie to one another again."

Jean took his hand, leading him away from that tree and the stool. "Never."


	5. Fantasy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where magical creatures really do exist, Armin Arlert and his best friends Eren and Mikasa set out to find them. They end up at the ever so creatively named forest of giant trees, where they find what they were looking for, and maybe a little bit more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So clearly the fantasy prompt could be interpreted in one of two ways. Either A, it could be a fantasy that one character has (which would be fun, but both lucid dreams were sort of fantasies and if it's gonna get sexual then I'll just leave that to more experienced writers) or B, it takes place in a fantasy world (like magic and dragons and shit, ya know?) So you get a whole chapter, albeit one chapter is very short for a fantasy story, of fantasy au Jearmin.

Armin Arlert was an explorer of sorts. Not the kind where most people knew who he was or what he did, in fact they probably wouldn't care even if someone were to tell them. Being an explorer wasn't a profession where he came from, it was a way to get yourself killed. But for Armin, it was a way to learn new things, and to go new places. It was a way that he could have adventures.

He had grown up with quite the normal life. He and his family lived in a shabby, but comfortable house in the bustling city of Shiganshina. His parents had died when he was little, and his grandfather (who had taken care of him after they died) had left to seek his fortune when he was about ten. He had either he had succeeded or he had died, one of the two. Armin never knew. No one came to get him, and he never received any letters or money. After the money that he had been left ran out, he had no choice but to go to the orphanage, where he had met Eren and Mikasa. They had all become friends very fast, and Armin had told them about all the stories he had read about magic and the creatures that lived outside the walls of their city.

It was actually Eren who first suggested exploring the world together. He said that they should leave this city as soon as they were old enough to leave the orphanage. Armin thought they should get money first, and Mikasa thought the whole idea was stupid, but she said that she would come with them if they ever really went because otherwise the two of them would get themselves killed.

It was summer when they finally left the only city they had ever known with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a small pouch of coins. Eren promised them that he could hunt food for them, and luckily he was able to uphold that promise, otherwise it would have been hard to get by. Armin and Mikasa knew enough about plants that they were able to supply  _some_  sustenance, but nothing fills up a stomach like meat. It took all three of them together to survive.

As they weeks went by though, the trio realized that the cool and magical stuff wasn't going to be easy to find. Going some random forest didn't mean that they would find elves of fairies, and in the same way, going to a cave wouldn't necessarily end in their finding dwarves. They had to do some research before they would find anything of interest. They had to find someplace that everyone agreed had magical activity. Luckily, Armin didn't mind doing that research.

Eren and Mikasa were far less personable than he was, so whenever they arrived at a village, town, or city, Armin would ask the people who lived there about local legends involving magical creatures. It was stupid and time consuming, and he kind of wanted to give up and find somewhere to live permanently, but they had all sworn to go out and find something together, and he refused to be the weak one who gave up. Plus, they wouldn't be doing any of this if it hadn't been for  _his_  books and ideas. He had to see this through to the end. Those magical creatures could hide anywhere they wanted, but they would find them one day.

In fact, it seemed that day wasn't so far off. All four of the most recent towns agreed that one forest in particular was home to elves. The forest of giant trees. It was a disappointingly uncreative name considering that it was quite literally a forest made up of giant trees, but elves were elves, and they were sort of a collective favorite with them, as far as the stories went. At that fourth town they decided not to waste any more time asking around. Instead they headed straight for the forest.

It was early when they left the little camp they had made. The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon, bathing them all in it's golden light. Armin felt giddy at the idea, and it looked to him like Eren did too. Mikasa was even smiling. It was hard to tell how far away they were. The trees were so big that it was nearly impossible to gauge. They had thought that they were close when they started out, but after what felt like hours of walking they were still far away. Still, the three of them moved on with excitement, determined to reach their destination tonight.

It was boring, walking, but they kept themselves entertained by talking about what the elves would be like.

Eren was the most noisy in his predictions. "I'll bet that they're all as stoic as you, Mikasa, and that they talk in riddles. Maybe they'll even let us stay there for a while. I mean they're supposed to be immortal, right? It won't feel like we're taking up much of their time."

"If they're so stoic then it wouldn't exactly be fun to be around, would they? Plus, you know the stories. Once you stay with the elves, you'll never be able to leave." Armin countered, smiling. No matter how much he corrected him, he loved to hear his friend talking about how excited he was. "I think seeing them would be great though.

"Okay then, Armin. How about we see them from a distance and make no effort to talk to them or get any closer at all. Does that sound better to you?" Eren teased. "I mean if we got to live in a paradise world with the things we've always dreamed of and never have to work or worry about money a single day in our lives, it would be a travesty from which we could never recover."

"I guess we'll just have to see what happens." Armin was far more wary of the fair folk than either of his friends. Sure, he remembered the wonderful stories of magic and beauty, but he also remembered that all that beauty would suck people in. Once a person found them they would often disappear forever. Then again, it was entirely possible that life with the elves was as lovely as Eren seemed to think. The problem with the fair folk was that you never really knew which ones were good and which were bad, and no one wanted to encounter a bad one.

"I just hope that they aren't a disappointment to you two." Mikasa didn't speak up too often in their conversation, and when she did it was always with the same flat, monotone voice. Armin understood why she was like that. Her parents had been killed in front of her when she was a child, and she had killed one of their attackers herself. Eren had killed the other two, and ever since then she had lived with his family. Of course, they had met Armin at an orphanage, so it didn't take much brain power to figure that out. She had lost her family twice, and it had made her terribly stoic, which Eren liked to tease her about, but it had also made her treasure her two best friends and the only family she had left, all the more. That's why her comments like that made him smile. It was a reminder of how much she always wanted to protect the two of them from any harm, either physical or emotional.

* * *

The sun was low in the sky when they finally reached the edge of the forest, but in the shadow of the trees it was like it had already set. Everything was covered in the dim purplish hues of twilight, but to them it was like the day had just begun. Seeing the trees up close was enough to renew their energy. They had never seen anything so enormous, even in daylight it was hard to imagine that they would be able to see where they ended. The diameter of the trunks was astounding as well. with some of the larger trees it might have taken a whole village to wrap their arms around the trunk, and even the smaller ones could easily have fit a carriage inside. And there were so  _many_  of them too. Looking in either direction, the trees stretched on as far as the eye could see. For the first time in a long time, Armin felt like he was needed. Without him, they could never have reached this place, they would never have wanted to. None of this would be happening.

It seemed that both of his friends felt the same way, because they told him that he should go in first, so the three moved forward, with Armin in the lead. Inside the forest everything was green. It was cooler in here, and more humid, but it was also pleasant. It felt different than the other forests, which just served as further proof of elves. The magic buzzing through the air was tangible.

Being in the forest meant more walking. Not that they minded it so much now, as all three were watching closely for any sign of elves. Every rustle of leaves, snapping twig, or shifting shadow made them all look over, but sadly it was never anything magical. Maybe the elves were deeper in the forest and didn't know that they were there, or maybe they were watching their every move so silently that they were undetectable. Either possibility seemed likely.

That was, until Armin caught a glimpse of something very human looking out of the corner of his eye. He knew that elves could move fast and that he might just end up scaring them away, but he also figured that an elf had no reason to fear someone as obviously weak as him. He excused himself from the group, saying that he needed to relieve himself, and made his way around the tree trunk where he had seen the figure disappear. He wasn't surprised to find that there was no one there. He figured that they must be close by though, why would they just leave a group of humans wandering around? And if what he heard about elves was correct...

"Hey, I know you can hear me." Armin kept his voice at a normal speaking level and sincerely hoped that he was right. Otherwise he would be making a complete idiot of himself. "I know you can hear me, so please come out. We aren't here to cause any harm, we just want to see you." He looked around, waiting for some kind of an answer.

"And why should I trust you?"

The voice was little more than a whisper, distinctly male, breathed out against his neck, and before he could make a move of any sort there was a knife at his throat. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts after that. Obviously he wasn't human, as evidenced by how quietly he had been able to sneak up on him. Maybe this was one of those bad elves? But that didn't seem right, otherwise he would be dead by now, or in considerable pain at least. "Because, I wasn't even fast enough to look around before you got me like this. Clearly I'm too slow to be able to hurt you. Besides, I came over here alone and made an excuse to my friends for why I was leaving. If I wanted you hurt then I would have brought them with me."

"You humans  _are_  very slow." The voice agreed. Even without seeing him Armin could tell that he was grinning. "I suppose that it wouldn't hurt to show my face." the grip around his shoulders suddenly tightened and the voice was directly in his ear. "If any of you try anything then I  _will_  kill you. It is my sworn duty to protect this forest and I don't hesitate to do just that." And then he was let go and the man elf person must have backed away because he could no longer feel his presence. Armin turned around slowly, halfway scared of what he might find.

As it turned out, he had no need to be. Standing behind him was the elf, a man, as he had predicted. He was dressed in pants and tunic, both in dark shades of green, and brown leather boots that came up to his knees along with strange partial gloves and a belt around his waist with a curved sword at either hip. Armin couldn't see where the knife he threatened him with, and it made him wonder if he had any other weapons hidden on his person. He was slender, and not overly tall. Probably pretty close to the same height as Eren and Mikasa, which was a little surprising to him because the stories all said that they were very tall. The stories weren't entirely wrong, at least. They said that elves were all beautiful, and the one standing before him certainly was. He had a long thin sort of face, with a strong jawline and a determined set to his chin. The corners of his mouth curled upwards as though he found this whole situation very amusing, which might be the case. It wasn't every day humans came into the forest looking for elves, or at least he didn't think so. The man had a long, and perfectly straight nose, which just added to the inhuman quality of his appearance. His angular eyes were a more obviously distinguishing feature. Their interesting golden amber color, unlike anything that Armin had ever seen before, possibly because it was unique to elves. They were set deep beneath thin eyebrows, whose gentle upward slant gave him the appearance of having a permanent scowl. Lastly there was his hair, which seemed like it should have been completely impossible. The top half was a light brown color, it looked shaggy and a little bit overgrown, in contrast to the bottom, which was dark brown and cut close to the scalp. It gave Armin a perfect view of his long and pointed ears.

"Well, what do you think? Am I what you hoped that elves would be?" He sounded very confident, as though there wasn't any chance that the answer would be no. It reminded him a bit of Eren.

Armin figured he might as well be honest. "Actually you're a lot shorter than I thought you would be."

The elf opened his mouth to speak, but before he got the chance to speak Eren came around the side of the tree. "Armin, what the hell is taking you so long?" He demanded, impatiently. At the sight of the elf he stopped short. "Is that? Are you an elf? A real actual elf?"

"Yes, and I do have a name, if you people care to find out what it is." He seemed very put off for some reason, like being called short was a terrible insult. Or maybe it was being interrupted that offended him, or maybe it was not being called by his name.

"Well? What is it then, if it's so important that we use it?" Mikasa had followed Eren, unsurprisingly. She now stood leaning against the tree with her arms folded, somehow managing to appear bored despite the fact that that she was talking to a real live elf for the first time in her life. It seemed that her stoic personality knew no bounds.

"I'm Jean." He answered, suddenly distracted. "And you have lovely hair. Do you have any elf blood in you?" Of course he was interested in her, everyone always was. Armin couldn't help being annoyed. Hearing boys flirt with her got annoying very fast.

"I'm Armin, and those are my friends Mikasa and Eren." He pointed to each respectively. "We came here because we wanted to find your people, I guess. You know, because you're magic and we were curious." He went on, feeling more and more stupid as he did. Your people? Seriously? That made it sound like he was racist against elves or something.

Apparently Jean wasn't too insulted by it though. "So I guess you want me to like take you home so you can meet all the people, right? Live a nice easy life and all. Am I right? It happens all the time, and I have sort of good news for you. As a guardian of the forest I have an obligation to take all of you to our city. On the downside, you  _are_  technically going to be prisoners, but you'll be taken good care of until we decide what to do with you."

There was a silence in which they all stared at him, until Eren spoke up. "You know, I don't think I like this one, maybe we should keep looking."

"No matter who you find, we'll all have to take you in." Jean shrugged, resting his hands casually on his swords. It was hard to tell if he was trying to be intimidating on purpose, or if it just happened coincidentally. Either way, Armin thought it was best to just go along with it. He wasn't sure why, but he trusted Jean to keep his word. What could possibly happen? It didn't look like he was a bad elf, and the good elves would probably make reasonably good hosts, even if it wasn't a choice.

It took both him and Mikasa to convince Eren that it was the right thing to do, and in the end he only agreed because he trusted Armins's judgement. It was funny, Armin always thought of himself as the awkward third friend, but then one of them would say something like that and it threw his whole perspective.

* * *

Clearly Jean wasn't used to travelling with humans. He kept having to slow his pace for them, and when night fell and it was too dark for them to see, he thought that they were lying. Or he did until Armin tripped and fell into his back. At that point he got irritated with them and told them that they would all make camp there in the night. It wasn't exactly comfortable on the ground, and sadly Jean had no magical way of conjuring up beds for them. Another minor disappointment about elves.

Unsurprisingly Jean didn't trust any of them to take the watch, so he volunteered to stay up all night. When Armin asked if that was really a good idea, he had laughed. Apparently it was common knowledge that elves could sleep without really sleeping. Jean hadn't explained it very thoroughly, but it seemed that they could get all the rest and recharge without closing their eyes somehow. It sounded fascinating, but he was unable to get any more information out of him.

"It's been hours, why haven't you gone to sleep?" He couldn't see the other man, but it sounded like he was facing away from him. He was sitting or crouching because he also sounded a lot closer to the ground than he would have been otherwise.

Armin took a moment to think about it for a moment. He hadn't really meant to stay awake, but there was far too much going on to just go to sleep. He couldn't have shut his brain off even if he wanted to. Elves were real, any doubt he might have had before had been wiped from his mind. That alone was enough to make him restless. "It's all just too exciting. I thought that we might never find you."

"And when you say you, what you really mean is an elf." He was quiet, pensive. It was like Eren when he calmed down. It was weird how much that Jean reminded him of his friend.

"Yes."

"It's funny, no human ever comes here to find an individual, they just want to meet elves." Jean stated, the tone of his voice indicating nothing humorous. Maybe he meant funny in the not funny way.

Either way, this was more talking than he had been able to get when the others were awake. "Does it make you sad?" He wasn't sure why he asked that of all things, but he wouldn't mind getting to hear about how he was feeling.

He wasn't surprised when his voice stiffened. "Not really, I just find it interesting."

"I find you interesting. You as an individual, not as an elf in general." Armin assured him.

And suddenly there was feeling in his voice. Sure, the feeling was confusion, but it was something at least. "You don't even know me."

"No, I don't." He agreed quietly. "And that's why you're so interesting."

"How does that make me interesting?" He still sounded confused, and Armin resisted the urge to giggle. Elves were supposed to be smart and intuitive. He had assumed that Jean would be able to tell what he was thinking before he knew it himself. Maybe he just broke stereotypes, or maybe he just preferred listening to him explain it himself. It was hard to say.

He was willing to talk, whatever the reason. "Well you're unknown. I don't even know if you feel things the way humans do." It was true, that was something that he had been wondering about ever since they had met him.

"And I doubt you'll ever find out." Jean told him flatly. All the previous interest that had been there was gone. It was like he was just stating an unalterable fact.

"Is that a lack of faith in me?" Armin wasn't entirely teasing, though he played it off that way. When he set his mind to a question he liked to find out the answer. Having his curiosity brushed off so carelessly was almost offensive to him.

"No, it's just what I think. How could you possibly find that out. It would take someone feeling thins like a human and as an elf so that they could tell us if it felt different. It's like trying to find out if it feels different to have blue or green eyes. No one really knows." The other explained. It did make him feel a little better to know that he had some sort of reasoning behind his dismissal.

"You're surprisingly smart."

"Is that a lack of faith in me?" Jean recognized that it was a joke apparently, and Armin couldn't hold back a laugh when Jean joked back at him. Even if it was just repeating what he said rather than something more humorous.

"You're pretty cute, you know that." The compliment slipped out before he could stop it and he felt his face turn red. He wondered how well elves could see in the darkness, and was thankful that Jean wasn't actually facing him. "You know, for a boy." He added nervously. He could probably hear his heart beating, damn him.

"And you're pretty cute for a human." Suddenly Jean's voice was much closer, like right above him, probably standing. How was he able to move so fast? How was it even possible to be so quiet? Elves were sort of a pain in the ass. He bet he couldn't hide anything from him.

"How does that make you feel?" He tried to keep the nervousness out of his voice, but he had a feeling that he was failing miserably. He didn't even know why he was nervous, actually. Nothing that he was feeling right now made much sense.

"Like I should do something about it." With the elf so close, he could feel him crouching by his side. He wasn't actually moving that fast now, it was like he was being careful. Trying not to startle him or something like that.

"What kind of something were you thinking?" He had a feeling he knew what he had been thinking of, and he had no desire to stop it. He just didn't know how this worked. What was he supposed to say? Had that been wrong? What if Jean asked him if it was okay first? He was awkward already, and close to a fit of nervous giggles, he doubted he would be able to keep his composure if that happened.

"Why don't I show you?" He wasn't sure if it was funny or not. He didn't have time to even really think about it beyond the part where it was really obvious that he was trying to be smooth, because then their lips were pressed together and Armin was internally cheering because he totally guessed that this is what would happen but he was also confused. He was being kissed. Really actually kissed by someone who he barely knew and that someone was not only an elf, but a  _boy elf._  Since when did anything like that happen to him of all people?

And Jean was actually a really good kisser, or he thought it was because it felt really good. Sure, he was probably like a hundred years old at least and he had a really long time to perfect it so it wasn't exactly surprising, but wow it kind of was. The way their lips slid against one another, the feeling of their tongues against one another, Jean's being the stronger and more controlling in this kiss. And even though it wasn't something he had ever considered affecting a kiss, there was his breath, strangely sweet, blowing into his own mouth, and he breathed it in and it was unlike anything he had ever experienced.

Eventually the other pulled away, and even though he couldn't see his face, he could hear that he was smiling. "You know, I think that I could talk to some people and you three could stay me."

"That would be lovely."

And they spent that night talking to one another about their respective races until they went to continue their journey in the morning.


	6. Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was Armin's dream wedding, and Jean wouldn't have it any other way. Just seeing his new husband's smile was enough to make the whole thing perfect for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha I don't know anything about weddings but whatever, it wouldn't be any fun if it were just like every wedding ever. Their wedding is less traditional, I guess. Plus, I've come this far and I will not skip any of these. I mean I have twelve hours to write this shit and it will be the good and maybe I can even get a head start on tomorrow's chapter. Anyway, here is the wedding chapter. (modern AU because that seems like more fun to me) Also I used google translate so excuse my french quite literally because there's a good chance it isn't grammatically correct. Also also the song is by Ron Pope.

Everything was perfect on the day that Armin and Jean got married. They had decided on a winter wedding, because Armin loved the snow, and Jean loved to see him happy. He had been a little worried in the week before it happened, because there was no snow, but then the best combination of things happened. First there was an ice storm that that made it look like everything had been dipped in glass, and it was beautiful, even if it did make it hard to drive anywhere. Then there was the snow. Jean had never believed in god, but the whole thing made him wonder if maybe he was real, and if he really loved Armin. Who didn't? The snow was about a foot deep, which was yet again troubling because they had no idea how in the world guests were supposed to get to the wedding. But miraculously, in the two days that followed the roads were able to be cleared enough that it was safe to drive, and barely any of the snow and ice melted.

The ceremony was to be held in a building with lots of windows. It was a place that Armin had picked out, of course. It was by a lake, and you could rent it for a day, so it was perfect really, and the entire wall facing the lake was glass, giving them a beautiful view. Even if the lake was frozen and covered in snow, it was beautiful and flat and sparkling white.

Jean had actually been sort of skeptical about the location, but as Marco parked the car (he was driving because he had said that the groom should never drive, but it was more likely because he was so distracted with thoughts about the wedding) and he saw it he was sold. Sure, the outside looked like a log cabin, but it was sort of charming, and inside the clean white walls made it bright and perfect for his husband because it really would look like some sort of winter wonderland. He got out of the car and smiled at his best friend and best man, in all his smiling freckly joy. He was almost as excited about this as Jean was.

It was nice to have a friend like Marco. Someone who loved you no matter what. When he had first started dating a boy, he had been sort of worried about what he would think. They had been roommates back then after all, but his friend was just happy that he had found out what his preference was early on in life. The gay thing was okay with him. Not that there was any reason it shouldn't have been, but it was a constant concern. Plus, he got along with Eren, and that was a miracle. He was able to keep their interactions reasonably civil.

The two were dressed almost identically, in black tuxedos with actual cot tails. Jean thought it was over the top, but they really did look pretty nice in it. Even the stupid little white gloves, which were more for the pictures that they would be taking outside. It wasn't like they kept their hands warm or anything, but it did at least make it look that way. He wondered if Armin had gloves too.

"We have to do something about your hair. That just isn't acceptable for a wedding." Marco locked the car and walked beside his friend to the front door of the building, opening it for him like he was worried about him messing up his gloves. Maybe he was. There were already several people here, too busy talking to notice the two of them walk in. Partly because they immediately went down the hall.

"What? I think it looks fine."

"It's the same as normal, Jean. You have to be fancy." He was practically dragged into the storage room, which had been converted to sort of a dressing room because apparently Armin had to wait in here until the wedding started so that Jean wouldn't see him. He wasn't here yet, but Jean hoped for his sake that he would arrive right when the wedding was about to start, because there was nothing to do in here.

Obviously his mother had seen them come in, because she bustled into the room, dressed up in a pretty red dress that looked wonderful on her. "I hope you two are planning to do something about that hair. You look like you just rolled out of bed."

"It isn't that bad!" he protested. It was no use. He was sat down in a chair, and his mother whipped out a comb and hair gel from who knows where because apparently she had been planning for this situation. Before he knew it, his hair was slicked back. It didn't actually look that bad, even if he wasn't used to it. Armin would like it. He would probably laugh, but it would be cute. "Am I acceptable for the public eye now?"

"Not quite." His mother answered, doing something with his jacket that he couldn't actually see because her hands were in the way and she was between him and the mirror. He felt something sharp poke him and he hissed in protest, which got him a muttered apology that wasn't really satisfactory in his opinion, but it was clearly the best he was going to get. Then his mom stepped back and he could finally see what it was that she was doing.

Of course. There was now a blue rose pinned to his lapel. One that looked perfect with the midnight blue pocket square, waistcoat, and tie, that all apparently matched Armin's tuxedo perfectly. He hadn't actually seen what his fiance would be wearing yet. It was a surprise. Neither knew what the other would look like. "There, now you're perfect." She smiled at him, and he noticed for the first time that she was crying. They were happy tears, or at least he thought so, but he still stood up and hugged her. Even though she was wearing heels, he was still a head taller than her. "Vous êtes tous grandi, je suis tellement fière de toi." (You are all grown up, I'm so proud of you.) She sniffled against his chest.

He was used to his mom crying, but it always made him uncomfortable. Maybe he just wasn't an emotional person or something, his mother certainly was. "Ne pleure pas maman, Je t'aime. Tout simplement parce que Armin et moi allons nous marier ne signifie plus je ne suis pas votre fils." (Don't cry mom, I love you. Just because Armin and I are getting married doesn't mean I'm not your son anymore.) He soothed, patting her on the back gently, like she was a child.

"Je sais, vous serez toujours mon bébé. Je suis juste un peu émotif en ce moment. Je suis ta mère, je ne ferais pas mon travail si je ne pleurais pas." (I know, you'll always be my baby. I'm just a little emotional right now. I'm your mom, I wouldn't be doing my job if I wasn't crying.) She assured him, pulling away and dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief that once again seemed to appear out of thin air. He wondered if maybe her dress had pockets.

"Je t'aime." (I love you) He patted her on the head, causing her to swat away his hand and over dramatically fix her hair.

"Je t'aime trop." (I love you too) She bustled out the door, probably going to talk to people and make sure that everyone out there were presentable. She always liked things to be perfect.

"Petit bébé de la maman." (Momma's little baby) Marco teased, elbowing him in the ribs. He had learned french when they were kids because that was how the Kirschtein family usually talked.

"Taire l'enfer, Marco." (Shut the hell up, Marco.) He couldn't help but smile. His best friend was here, speaking french with him and his crying mom, and he was getting  _married_. Really actually married in real life. It wasn't even like in the Sims or Life the board game, this was for real. He had never thought that he would get married, not since he was a little kid.

Marco smiled back at him and fixed his own tie, which was grey, like his waistcoat. "You know, we should probably get out there. We can't let Armin see you when he gets here."

"Okay, I have a question though." Jean told him as they left the room. "There's only one door and that opens right into the main room. How will we avoid seeing each other by accident?" He hadn't really thought about it until now, but it was sort of an issue.

"Jean, there's a second door. See that one at the end of the hall? It goes outside. That's where Armin is coming in." Marco seemed to think that it was ridiculous for him not to know that, and it probably was. This was his wedding after all, he should probably know how everything was going to happen. That was sort of the whole point of planning your own.

"What? There's a second entrance?"

"Oh my god, I swear if you were planning this wedding by yourself it would be in a graveyard." Marco snorted pushing him forward and down the hall to the main room so that they could mingle a bit. Apparently that was what grooms did. Not that Armin was the bride or anything, obviously they were both grooms, that was the thing about two men marrying each other. It's just that Armin was more okay with being walked down the isle and plus he was sort of way prettier so he could make the grand entrance much more effectively.

He shook his head to clear it. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing. Let's just try to socialize, okay?"

They were in the main room now, and it was beautiful. There were a bunch of people there, most of whom he didn't care about at the moment, all dressed up in their best main thing that caught his attention was the decorations. There were benches, of course, because you couldn't have a wedding without seating, all white with dark blue cushions, and blue roses on the ends. Someone had taken it upon themselves to put up decorations, though it was possible that it was part of the plans that Jean hadn't really payed any attention to, so all along the walls there heavy blue drapes, matching all the other blue that was in the wedding, wrapped around black curtain rods. It looked like what someone might do with streamers, but fancier because it was fabric instead of paper, and everything was just so pretty.

There were people talking to him, complimenting him on his tux and congratulating him, but he barely heard them. All he could do was nod and smile and pretend to be listening. What was Armin doing? Was he still getting ready or was he already here? Was he going to get dressed in that little room? It seemed like that wasn't a very logical choice because it would take a long time, but he would wait forever for Armin if that was what it took. And Also why did he keep having these ridiculous sappy thoughts? Someone asked him if he and Armin would be matching, and it was the first thing he really listened to since he had gotten out here. He hoped he hadn't answered any questions wrong, because he was pretty sure he had just been saying yes to whatever anyone asked him. "No he's wearing blue." He told them, as politely as he could. Eren had just come out of the hallway and said something to Marco which meant that his fiance must have gotten here.

Jean excused himself and jogged over. "So what's up?"

"He's ready." Eren told him, glaring. "And before things get started I wanted to talk to you." Marco walked away then, probably to tell people that they could start sitting down. "I guess this is actually happening now, like officially, and he's stuck with you. I'll tolerate you, for his sake, but I swear to god if you ever hurt him I will make your life a living hell."

"Thanks." That was actually really sweet for him. They hadn't ever gotten along, not even the first time they met. They had actually gotten in a couple of fist fights, one of them he remembered was because he called him a horse faced bastard. But even if they didn't like each other, Jean could appreciate that he was always looking out for Armin. Him and Mikasa both, although Mikasa was actually much scarier.

He didn't really remember how everything happened after that, he was too excited, but suddenly he was up at the altar and Marco was beside him. On his other side there was a gap, where Armin would be in a few moments, and then Eren and Mikasa, who were his best man and woman of course, because who else would be? And then the music was starting and he looked across the room.

Armin looked beautiful. He was always beautiful, but this time it brought tears to his eyes and he thought that maybe he was like his mom a little bit after all. He was wearing a tuxedo jacket with coat tails, much like his own, but instead of black it was a deep blue, brighter than navy and darker than his eyes and just beautiful, all except the lapel, which was black and had a white rose pinned to it instead of a blue one. His pants were black too, and he wore a cummerbund and bowtie instead of a waistcoat and tie, but it looked good on him. But the most important part was his face. He looked so happy, like he might just explode from all his excitement, and his smile was more visible than usual, because someone had taken it upon themselves to braid back the hair that usually framed his face. He wasn't sure who had done it, but they did a very good job, and it looked like they had poked little blue flowers into the braid. It was hard to tell from across the room.

His walk to the alter was agonizingly slow, but that was probably for the best because it was Armin's grandfather walking him down the isle, and he usually had to use a walker. Mr. Arlert was short, like his grandson, with pale blue eyes that looked almost blind. It was a huge surprise to jean that he was willing to come to the wedding at all, let alone agree to give him away, but it seemed he had misjudged the old man. He wasn't as close minded as he thought. That was good, Armin was so close with him that it would have been awfully hard on him if he had said no.

And then they were finally up to the alter and Jean's mother helped Mr. Arlert to his seat beside her.

Erwin, who was Jean's boss, friend, and an ordained minister had been asked to do the ceremony, and he had accepted gladly and even adjusted the words to make it more humorous and less religious in light of their particular situation. "We have come together in the presence of all you people to witness joining of this man and this other man in maybe not-so-holy Matrimony." As expected, that got a few laughs. "The bond of marriage signifies to us that they are really committed to this and also the bible commends it to be honored among all people. So if anyone gives these to crap just rub that in their faces." There were more giggles, and Erwin smiled before continuing. "The union of husband and other husband in heart, body, and mind is intended for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity and in the adoption of children, if they want to take that step. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, and deliberately. Into this union Armin Arlert and Jean Kirschtein now come to be joined.

"If any of you can show just cause why they may not be married, speak now; or forever hold your peace. At least around them." He waited a moment, looking at everyone as if daring them to say anything. He was a tall, muscular, intimidating sort of man, so it was actually quite effective, and if anyone had previously planned to, they didn't speak up. He turned back to the couple. "I require and charge you both, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be united in marriage, you do now confess it." As expected, neither man said a word, so he finished with. "And now the grooms will say the vows that they have each written."

Armin was to go first. Jean hadn't heard him speak yet today, which he normally wouldn't think about but they were getting married and he was just so excited because he was pretty sure the ceremony was almost over now and that meant they could move on to more fun stuff. Plus, he hadn't heard Armin's wedding vows yet, and obviously they would be wonderful. All his thoughts came to a stop when he started to speak, slipping a plain silver ring onto Jean's finger as he did. "I, Armin Arlert, vow to love you unconditionally, and to cherish each day we are together, to be your biggest fan, even though it will be difficult to compete with you sometimes, and to guide you whenever you need it, even if you don't know it yourself. I promise to never abandon you, through thick or thin, until death do us part."

Jean hadn't actually put much thought into his own vows. Not as much as Armin, anyhow. He also put a ring on his finger. "I promise to love you, and to honor you each and every day. To smile with you and cry with you, and support you when you need me to, to make you a better person, and let you do the same for me. I will be here to listen to your problems, and to hear you make better wedding vows than me, through thick and thin, till death do us part."

"That was sweet. Now, can everyone please get out their cell phone or camera and take a picture that way we can have pics to prove it did happen?" After a moment of confusion a most of the people did, his mother the most enthusiastic of them all. There were a few clicks and Erwin held up his hands. "Wait a second, wait for the cue. Okay, you may now kiss the.. Well, each other. Okay,  _now_  take the pictures."

The kiss was short and sweet, as they didn't want any of their friends making stupid comments. After that everything was a blur. Everyone left to go to the reception, and he and his new husband, their best men and woman, and their families went to take pictures. It was cold, but he didn't mind. He was close to Armin in most of them anyway, so they had body heat. He felt worse for Mikasa and his mother. Neither of their dresses looked particularly warm. They had to cut their photo shoot short when the two of them were shivering too hard to continue.

The reception was boring. Even as big headed as he was, all the compliments and gifts just wore him out. He just wanted to get on with it so they could go on their honeymoon (they were going to Hawaii because Armin loved the ocean and because it was probably the only place they didn't need a passport for, that would actually have a pleasant beach this time of year) They danced their first dance as a married couple to the song 'A Drop in the Ocean' which was really kind of sappy, but Armin liked it. Then they had their They had their parent dance, Jean's with his mother, of course, and Armin's with Mr. Arlert. It was all just a rush. They ate dinner and cut the cake, and both of them decided to be nice to the other and didn't get frosting all over each other's faces.

And then they were leaving, and people were blowing bubbles as they walked to the car, and it was the closest thing to a dream that he had ever experienced, because they were really together now, and they would be for the rest of their lives.

He opened the door for the other man, before getting into the drivers seat. "Hey, Armin?"

"Yeah?" The blonde sighed dreamily, looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Jean wondered if he looked the same way. Probably.

He grinned, ridiculously proud for some reason. Was proud a feeling that you were supposed to get after your wedding? If it wasn't then he didn't understand other married people. "We're married now. I'm your husband. We can actually refer to each other that way."

"I know, isn't it great?"

"Yeah."

Armin's smile suddenly grew much more mischievous, and he felt himself mirror the facial expression. "And you know what we're going to do as soon as we get to our hotel?"

"I think I might have an idea." He wiggled his eyebrows in that way that always made him laugh. It didn't fail this time either.

"I think your idea just might be right."

With that, Jean started the car and pulled away. He hoped that the flight wouldn't be too long.


	7. Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Armin was in an accident and he lost his ability to speak due to trauma. He has to stay in the hospital for a while because of it. Jean's mother just had her appendix removed, there were complications and she should be okay but they want to keep her there under observation. What will happen when Jean gets lost and wanders into the wrong room?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that not everything in this story is probably correct legally but whatever just pretend it does. Also sorry because this one sort of sucks.

Lonely. That's what Armin felt, more than anything. He didn't understand why this had to happen to him. Why this kind of thing  _always_  had to happen to  _him_. He had been the one driving when it happened, he was learning so that he could get his license. Now he wasn't sure he even wanted one. He never wanted to drive again. Some moron had pulled out when they had a red light and his the side of their car. The passengers side.

Everything would have been okay if it had just hit the drivers side, everything would have been fine, but it wasn't. His Grandpa was old, and old people were fragile. The doctors said that he had died quickly, but that didn't make him feel any better. He was still dead. And try as he might, Armin couldn't speak now. The doctors said it was psychosomatic, all in his head, but that didn't change anything. It just made him feel even worse. He was to pathetic to even talk now. And no one was going to come and visit him. He didn't know where he was supposed to go. He didn't want to back home, it would be too painful. He had lived there with his Grandpa ever since his parents died, but now he was dead too. Eren and Mikasa were on vacation with their parents, because it was summer. They were going to be gone for two weeks. A Disney cruise and a trip to Universal Studios. They were probably at Harry Potter world or something right now. He wondered if they would get him anything. Even if he didn't deserve it, he wouldn't turn down Harry Potter merchandise in a million years. It wouldn't make him feel better, but he would like it.

He wondered how long the hospital would be able to keep him. He didn't have any family left to contact so they could take him home. He didn't really have any other friends. Would they just kick him out? They would need more beds. He stayed in bed all the time now. Not because he was injured, the passenger's side had absorbed most of the blow. All he had was whiplash, a few cuts from broken glass, and a bruise on his head where it had slammed into the window. He just didn't see any reason to get out of bed. It wasn't like there was anything exciting going on in a hospital. Even if there was he wouldn't want any part in it, he didn't want to have to sit there and not say anything while other people had fun. That would just be more depressing than sitting here alone in his room. At least he had a window to look out of.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a room and I think I'm lost. Can you help me out?" A voice interrupted his brooding, and he looked over curiously. It was a boy who was probably around his age, tall and slim. He had a long thin face and weirdly light brown eyes. Hazel was probably the right word for them. He had weird hair too, but Armin thought it looked kinda cool.

As much as he hated the idea of leaving the room, he also knew that if he stayed in here much longer he would go crazy. Plus, he may as well try to do something useful with his life. Just sitting here and alternating between crying and self loathing. For the first time since he had gotten here, he was glad for the mini dry erase board they had given him. He got it and a blue marker and started to write.

"If you can't then that's fine, I can just leave."

He wanted to tell him to stop being so impatient, but instead he held up a finger to try to indicate that he needed a second, and finished writing as quickly as he could. 'I might be able to, what's the room number?' He held it up to the other boy, who looked at him funny.

"You can't talk?"

He shook his head, since that was really the fastest way to give such a straightforward answer.

"But you  _can_  hear me?"

He nodded emphatically, hoping to just move on with this conversation because he didn't want to talk about himself. With a sigh, he wiped the first half clean, so that it just said 'what's the room number'

"Uh, okay it 4C32." The other boy seemed really uncomfortable. He was probably expecting an easier conversation. Yet another thing to look forward to about being mute, no one wanted to talk to someone who had to write out every response. Even once he learned sign language it wouldn't be better, why would anyone learn a language just so they could talk to him? He was never going to speak to anyone but deaf people and their families like ever again.

'You're on the wrong floor.' He wrote out, trying to keep his frown from showing.

The other boy shrugged. "I told you I was lost." He sounded whiny and defensive and Armin wished that he could still laugh properly. Not that he had tried yet, but he was scared it would just be a wheeze, like when he tried to talk.

'Well it's a good thing I'm good at figuring this sort of stuff out.' He tried to somehow look reassuring but he wasn't sure how to do that without his voice. This whole thing was a nightmare.

"So you'll help me?" Armin wasn't sure how to interpret his tone, but he nodded and got up out of his bed.

'My name is Armin, by the way.' It was a good thing he was a reasonably fast writer.

"Hey, Armin. I'm Jean, thanks for helping me out." He hesitated for a second as Armin started to walk away. "Also, do you want to borrow my jacket? I mean your gown thingy is sort of... Not completely covering in the back."

Armin's face was burning, but he accepted the jacket, mouthing a very silent 'thank you' as he did so. It was awkward, not being able to talk out loud. Plus he couldn't write and walk at the same time. He reached into the pockets of the jacket and found the piece of paper that he had seen Jean put back in there. The one with the room number.

4C32. They needed to go up one floor and then to the C wing. Jean was really lost if he had come down here, to the A wing. His own room was 3A64, about as far away as you could really get. It wasn't that he knew the hospital terribly well, but there wasn't much reading material in his room other than the map with the fire escapes, even if he hadn't walked the halls himself, he had an idea where everything was. He led the way to the nearest elevator, more than a little pleased with himself for finding it on the first try. He was happy with the silence, but apparently Jean thought it was too awkward. "So, you don't look like there's anything wrong with you. I mean, you don't have any casts or braces, and you aren't hooked up to an IV. Why are you here."

Armin shrugged and leaned against the wall so he could brace the board against his knee. 'long story'

"So lots of writing then?"

He shook his head and erased his board again, writing down the short version of what happened. 'car crash'

"Ah, and let me guess, it's a long story because of the whole lack of injury." Jean grinned cockily, clearly proud of his deductive skills. If only he knew. "You used to be able to talk, didn't you? You mouthed 'thank you' before. I'll bet it was out of habit because you're used to talking."

'So why are you here? Someone you love dying maybe?' He wasn't in the mood to have someone prying into his life, and he didn't really mind being rude. They wouldn't just become besties either way.

"Okay then, I get it, you don't want to talk. Well, write, I guess. Whatever it doesn't matter. I'm visiting my mom and she's fine. Or she will be, I guess. She had her appendix removed and there was some kind of complication so they're keeping her under observation." He explained, amiably. "So, anyone visit you today? How's the food? Hospital life any fun?"

He might have groaned two days ago, but now he just rolled his eyes. 'I have no family or friends, now can we stop talking about this?' The elevator came to a stop and he walked out the doors, shoving the dry erase board into the other boy's hands forcefully. He would take it back when they got to 4C32.

"Fine, you don't like me. If you really feel so strongly about it you could have let me find the way myself." When Armin turned to glare at him he paled. "Unless you're serious and not trying to get me to shut up. Would that happen to be the case?"

Damn it. Damn it all, why was he so emotional right now. Well, probably because his only family was dead and he might never speak again, but why right now? He could feel his tears stinging below his bottom eyelid and tried to turn away before Jean could see, but it was too late. The stranger, the complete  _stranger_  patted him awkwardly on the shoulder, obviously trying to be comforting.

"The crash. Whoever was with you died, didn't they?"

Armin had had enough. He yanked his whiteboard out of the taller boy's hand and whirled around to get back on the elevator. He pressed the number three and then the close button repeatedly. Luckily Jean didn't try to stop of him. He just watched him go with a pitying expression that kind of made him feel worse. He was full on crying now, as he walked back to his room, and he didn't notice that he still had the jacket until he was already there. Great, that meant he'd probably be back for it. He didn't really care to be here when it happened, but he still didn't want to leave, not really. He put the jacket over the back of the chair and wrote a new note on the board. 'Take it and leave.' Then he went into the little bathroom connecting to his room and waited. He wished that his phone hadn't broken, or that he at least had Eren and Mikasa's phone numbers. Not that he wanted to ruin their vacation, but he needed to talk to  _someone_. Well, text them really. They were his best friends. His next choice would probably be Marco, from school, just because he was always so nice. That or Connie. But he didn't know their numbers either and he didn't know either of their parent's names so he couldn't even look for a home phone in the phone book.

An hour or so must have passed before he left the bathroom. The jacket was still there, but he wasn't going to wait any longer. If Jean tried to talk he would just ignore him. Pretend to be asleep or something. He got into bed and pulled the blankets up to his chin, and laid there until he fell asleep.

* * *

The next day was agonizingly boring, as he had expected. That was, up until Jean came in. "I brought you flowers. I mean, I figured you're alone and you might want something to cheer you up."

Armin huffed and looked away. He didn't want pity flowers.

"Also I brought a friend, but I told him to wait outside in case you didn't want to talk. If you don't then we can go see my mom, it's no big deal." You could practically feel the anticipation in the air as he waited for a response. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday. I just want to make it up to you. Plus, my friend is way better than me at the whole comforting thing. His name is Marco, and he actually made me bring him, that's how much he wanted to talk to you."

Armin whipped his head around hard enough to hurt his neck and Jean smiled. He had set the flowers on the little table and was holding his jacket. "I'll get him." And he did. Armin took the few seconds he had to try to flatten out his hair and make himself look slightly less terrible. He didn't really want Marco to see him like this, not if it was the Marco he knew.

And it was. The familiar freckled face poked around the corner, eyes wide and concerned. "Armin? Oh god, are you okay? Jean said something about a crash." He couldn't hold it in any longer, and for the second time in front of this Jean he started crying. "Jean, what do you know?" Marco didn't waste time sitting on the bed beside him and pulling him into the first hug he had gotten since the accident.

"He got in a car crash. I think someone was with him and that they died. I don't know he told me he didn't have any family. I guess you two know each other?"

"Yeah, he goes to my school. Armin, was it your grandpa?" Marco was stroking his head like he was a dog or something, and it really felt nice. He hadn't realized that he was missing human contact until now. He nodded into his chest, silent as he always would have to be from now on. "Are you hurt?" He shook his head no. "Then why are you still here?"

That required a more complicated answer. He looked at Jean and pointed toward the chair, trying to indicate that he needed the board. Luckily the other boy wasn't a complete idiot. He handed it over along with a green marker that had been on the table. 'I don't have anywhere to go.'

Marco's confused expression made one thing clear. Jean hadn't said anything about him being mute. "Armin, why aren't you talking?"

"He can't. I mean I knew that he probably used to talk but I assumed that it was a while ago." Jean seemed absurdly guilty, like it was somehow his fault, and it made Armin feel even worse.

Marco leaned down to make eye contact with him. "You're mute now?"

He nodded and for lack of other things to do, leaned his head up against Marco's chest. He didn't want to look at either of them. They both looked sad. They had no right to be sad. Not for him.

"Where are Eren and Mikasa?"

He turned his head to the side, still leaning on the other boy's chest. 'On vacation.' His writing was a little sloppy because he was writing one handedly, but it was decipherable at least. He wasn't sure he had the willpower to write it again.

"Do you want to stay with me until they get back and we can all figure something out?"

He knew it would probably just cause them problems, but he wanted out of this hospital. He needed to go somewhere else. Somewhere that there were people who would care about him and be nice without bombarding him. Marco's house was probably the perfect place for that. Plus, Mrs. Bodt was about the nicest person he had ever met. She would never turn away a mute orphan with nowhere to go but the hospital. He gave another shaky nod.

* * *

Two years had passed since it happened. He had graduated and now he was going to go to college. It was hard, leaving home. Marco and his family had taken him in permanently after about a month of deliberation. It had seemed the best option. And even though he had initially hated that boy called Jean, they had become friends, and then best friends, and eventually something more. He had never seemed to mind the fact that he couldn't, or wouldn't, talk.

But now all that was coming to an end. Jean wasn't going to college. Chances were they might never see him again. After all, it wasn't as if Armin had anyone else to visit there. He would really just be an inconvenience at this point, making his boyfriend feel like he couldn't get into a relationship with anyone else. That's why he had sent him the text. The one that said they should break up. He felt like an ass doing it over text, but it wasn't like he could call, and he was already at the airport. He had told him that his flight was tomorrow. He just didn't want to see him, it would make things so much harder. That's when his phone rang. It was Jean.

He answered it, confused. Why the hell would he call him? He couldn't talk. "blow into the mouthpiece." Apparently he had answered it while his boyfriend was in mid-sentence. He waited, hoping for some kind of explanation. There was a muffled "God I sound like an idiot." and he spoke again. "Armin, obviously you can't answer me, so when you answer just blow into the mouthpiece."

Of course, he probably just wanted to yell at him. He got angry so easily. Oh well, he did as his boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend now really, said.

"Oh, hey Armin. Okay, I know you can't talk right now, but hear me out. Everything you said in that text was stupid. I love you, you aren't a burden. Hell, I would move out there with you if I had the money, but I don't. I'm not going to feel like I can't see other people out of an obligation to you, I'm going to feel that way because I'm in love with you. If you really want to break up then that's fine, I'm okay with that. You're moving to a new place, you're starting a new life, I totally understand if that's what's going on here, but please don't break up with me because you feel like you're a burden. You're as far from a burden as it gets." There was a pause and a shaky laugh from the other side. "Okay, I know that was lame, but it was all I had. I'm going to hang up now so you can text me if you want. Bye." There was a click on the other end, and Armin looked at the phone for what felt like forever, blinking back tears. When he could see the screen he typed a short message and hit send.

* * *

Jean was nervously pacing in his living room. He was so stupid, calling had been stupid. Now he sounded desperate. Armin definitely wasn't texting him back. As the seconds ticked by, his hope dwindled away to nothing.  _Ding!_  He nearly dropped his phone in his rush to view the message. It was short, just three simple words. But it was all he needed to see.

'I love you.'


	8. Lost Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Armin are paired up for a training exercise. Jean is aggravated because he got the weakest person left in the whole trainee squad, and Armin feels bad because he's holding him back. (Not technically lost but they are in the middle of nowhere, sort of inspired by the lovely art by gazpachocakes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one is sort of plotless and dumb but I hope you all like it anyway. Also yes it is the same one where we see Christa (at the time) and Ymir on. It's just Jean and Armin though, they didn't get a group of three.

It was freezing outside. Of course, that was sort of the whole point of the operation, to test their survival skill, but that didn't make it any better. Jean and Armin had been paired up for this particular exercise. It had been against their will, of course, otherwise Jean would have been with Marco, and Armin with Eren and Mikasa. But when you were training to be in the military, you had to learn to deal with people you didn't like that well. Not that the two of them didn't like each other, that wasn't the case at all, they just didn't really talk. Jean was a self centered asshole, and Armin was the quiet, shy kid who lacked physical strength. It was a matter of differing personalities.

In Jean's opinion, Armin was the worst person he could possibly have been paired with. They weren't getting down this god forsaken mountain any time soon, that was for sure, not with the way the blonde was trailing behind.

"Hurry the fuck up." He grunted roughly. He was past the point of being polite. Actually, he was usually past the point of being polite, but the loss of feeling in his hands and feet due to cold were exacerbating the situation. Why couldn't he have gotten Reiner? At least he was tough. Hell, he was probably already down the mountain by now. Christ, where was that little wimp now? Had he fallen behind again? He looked back to check and saw him back in the distance, a little black speck on a seemingly endless expanse of snow. Perfect. It was too cold to just sit and wait, he had to keep himself moving. That meant going back to him. They were making their descent on a part of the mountain that was a little less steep, mostly because Jean didn't want his partner to fall down the mountain and die and then be blamed for it. He was gland he had done it now, because with the way he kept having to backtrack, his legs were already exhausted. He doubted that he could have made a steep climb back to the other boy this many times. It was hard to tell from this distance if Armin was even moving from here, but he really hoped that he was. If he had died or collapsed from exhaustion then he would have to carry him, and that sounded like a nightmare. Actually he might have to carry him either way, because if they were out here for too long they would freeze.

The sun was already low in the sky as it was. There was no way that they would reach the bottom before dark at this point, but it would be nice to get there before dawn. "What's taking you so long?" He shouted up the slope. They were close enough now that he could see that the other boy was shuffling along at a slow pace. He could see where his hair ended and his face began from here, but he couldn't make out any expression. He also didn't get any response. Perfect, he was probably too cold to be loud enough to hear from this distance. It was his own fault for being so slow, he should be making more of an effort to get his blood flowing. Sighing, he continued his trudge towards the blond. He was panting by the time he reached him, the cold air stinging his lungs. "What's taking you so long?"

"I can't feel my feet." Armin was shivering uncontrollably, his chattering teeth made it difficult for him to speak. In this cold his face was all red and his nose was running. It was funny, usually he was sort of cute, in a weird way, but like this he was just sort of gross and drippy.

Still, numb feet was a stupid thing to complain about. It was winter and it was snowy, they had been walking all day. Obviously they would be numb. "Well neither can I, so suck it up. If you would just walk faster we could have already been warming up by the fire. Hurry up." He pulled him forward by the hood. It was getting late and he had never been a patient person to begin with. Plus Armin was pretty light and it did cause him to stumble forward at a more acceptable pace.

"No, Jean, I can't move them. I think it's frostbite." He stopped right there, stubbornly refusing to move.

Wonderful, this day just kept getting better and better. His partner had frostbite. He didn't even know what to do to treat frostbite, other than get the person warmed up, and that wasn't possible up here. "What do you expect me to do about it?"

It seemed Armin didn't have any ideas either. He shrugged, gathering his coat tighter around himself as if that could possibly fix the problem. not that Jean really blamed him, he would do just about anything to get warmer right about now. It felt like his ears were frozen. Armin probably didn't have that problem at least, not with his hair. "I don't know, slow down?"

"Slowing down won't help you keep your toes. If it is frostbite then that's more reason to hurry up." He didn't slow his pace, finding that this did force Armin to keep pace with him in order to keep up the conversation. It figured that talking would be the only way to make him go faster.

"It's kind of hard to hurry when you can't feel your feet." He complained, stumbling pathetically as if to emphasize this. God he was annoying. Still cute and still nice, but undeniably irritating. He was already slowing down.

"Damn it Armin, you better never get lost alone."

"What do you-"

He was cut off when Jean slung him over his shoulder without warning. "What are you doing?!"

"I'm carrying you, what does it look like?" He grunted. It was a good thing Armin didn't weigh much, otherwise he never would have been able to carry him. As it was, he was at his limit. It was honestly pretty fortunate that he was going downhill, as gravity was already doing part of his job anyway. There were plenty of good things about this situation, he supposed, but that didn't change the fact that he had to carry someone the same age as he was because they couldn't just walk faster. It was his only option, but it was still ridiculous, and it didn't help that said person wouldn't stop squirming.

"Put me down, I can walk on my own!" He protested, struggling to get free. "I won't be a burden!"

"Yeah, well you're more of a burden if you keep squirming. I'm not putting you down. Plus, it''s faster walking this way then either of us we're walking alone and I want to get there as soon as possible." He countered, speeding up his stride. It was true, their combined weight caused him to slide down the slope with every step. It made it a little harder to balance, but Jean had always been pretty graceful, so he was able to maintain his footing.

"How can we possibly be going faster this way?" Ah, the ever logical genius Armin didn't understand something that he did. If there were anyone else here, he would gloat about it. As it was, he could only explain, and bask in the glory of being smarter. Well, maybe not smarter, but knowing something that the other boy didn't, anyway.

"Well now I'm sliding downhill when I take a step and I wasn't before, so I'm moving twice as fast." He explained. It was sort of hard to talk and still breath enough to oxygenate his body, but that wasn't going to deny him his little moment of satisfaction.

"You aren't going to convince me that I'm being helpful by being carried, you know." He grumbled, though it seemed that he had accepted his fate of being carried down the mountain. He did adjust his position so that Jean's shoulder wasn't right on his stomach, inching forward so that his hips could bear his weight. God he was skinny. Even through his coat his hip bones dug into the taller boy's shoulder.

"Great, then we can both agree that you owe me. I look forward to you saving my life or limb." He was joking, obviously, since Armin was probably the least likely in the whole trainee squad to ever save his life. "Now if you don't mind, talking is sort of difficult right now."

"Right then, you won't even know I'm here."

So he did have a sense of humor. It was funny, just that made him like the kid a little better. Not mission wise, as far as he was concerned, Armin was still basically useless that way, but at least he wasn't a total drag all the time. Really, this entire training exercise had opened his eyes to the fact that he could actually make friends with these people. Armin hadn't been so bad when they had started out. Not that they had done a lot of talking when they were going uphill, but he had been determined to keep up the whole time, despite his short little legs and overall frailty. Jean could respect that, at least.

They reached the 'facility' at the foot of the mountain just after dark. The commander had been very vague as to was sort of facility it was. It was basically the same as the base the trainees usually stayed at, but on a smaller scale. He set Armin down while they were still far enough away that no one could see them. They were directed to the main hall, where they could eat and get warmed up before they went to bed. It was probably about the nicest thing that happened since they had joined the military. Usually if you took too long ,you would miss dinner completely, but apparently since this was rougher terrain and most of the people coming back would be half dead anyway, they were willing to extend a little extra kindness.

Well, if you could call watery broth, hard bread, and a fire kindness. The two sat together by the fire, eating. Armin would soak his bread in the broth to soften it up first, unlike Jean, who just sort of gnawed on it like a dog. He knew he probably looked like a moron, and he could feel Armin watching him, but at the moment he didn't really care all that much. Plus, he finished it off faster, so his was obviously the better method. He took off his coat and boots, so that he could get warmer faster.

"Jean?" There was a clink as Armin set down his bowl, following the other boy's lead and taking off his own coat. His shoes were already off, along with his socks. One good thing about the cold was that his feet didn't stink up the room. Armin had explained it when Jean had yelled at him for taking them off, saying that the cold killed most of the bacteria that caused the smell, so it shouldn't be an issue. Whatever the hell 'bacteria' were.

"Yeah?" He yawned, tiredly.

The blond scrutinized him, his blue eyes intense in the light from the fireplace. It actually made him a little uncomfortable. "You know, you didn't have to carry me."

"If I hadn't then we would still be out there right now." This. This was the one thing he couldn't stand about that kid. He could never accept help. He never wanted it. It was like he wanted to make things difficult for himself. To die, even. Jean jusr didn't understand it. They were so different. He was constantly self preserving, and Armin was self sacrificing.

"I know, let me finish. Do you really love hearing yourself so much that you can't listen to what I have to say?" He sighed, exasperatedly. "Anyway, as I was saying, you didn't have to carry me, you could have just left me out there. You're a better person than I thought." Aw, that was sweet in a way. He thought that he was a good person. Well, sort of. Apparently he also used to think that he wasn't.

"You know, I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not."

That earned him one of Armin's rare laughs. "It was." The two sat there together for a while in silence, enjoying the heat from the flames. It wan't every day Jean got a compliment. Usually he had to rely on his own ego to support itself. It was sort of nice.

The silence between them was starting a little uncomfortable, so he changed the subject. "So how are your feet?"

"Well, I was sort of right. It's frost nip, or maybe second degree frostbite, at the worst. It probably would have gotten more serious if you hadn't carried me." With all his medical talk, he might as well be speaking gibberish. Jean was pretty sure that they had never went over this in any of their classes, and if they had then it was unimportant. What did levels of frostbite matter to a soldier? It didn't.

"What does that even mean?" He asked, blankly. The good thing about not knowing what Armin was talking about was that chances were you weren't stupid and it was something he had read about in his spare time.

"The skin is basically frozen, and I can't feel them anymore, but I won't lose any toes." The blond explained, which thankfully did clear it up pretty well.

"And would rubbing them help with blood flow or whatever? You know, defreeze the skin I guess?"

"Yeah, it might." Armin eyed him quizzically. "What, are you criticizing my recuperating methods now?"

"Nothing like that, just a display of companionship." He took one of the other boy's feet into his lap, holding the still icy cold toes between his hand to help warm them. "And don't even try to argue your way out of it, I've just been told I was a good person and this is probably going to be my only good deed."

The blonde smiled at him, blue eyes crinkling at the corners. "Jean?"

"Yeah?" It was like they were repeating the part of the conversation from earlier, something that didn't go unnoticed by him.

And for the second time that night, the little blond gave him a compliment. "You'd make a good friend." He wasn't sure why it affected him so much, being complimented by Armin of all people. The quiet kid who sat on the sidelines.

He also wasn't sure why that happiness was accompanied by a stab of pity for the boy. "You say that as if we aren't friends."

"Yeah." He looked down, hiding his face behind his bangs. "I mean we never talk to each other. Going by that it seems like a pretty reasonable assumption."

"Well then consider us friends from now on." He flashed the boy his most confident smile, hoping to reassure him somehow. "I had thought that we already were." It was a lie, but Armin didn't need to know that. Besides it wasn't like they had been not friends.

Armin looked at him strangely, and Jean wondered if maybe he knew he was lying, but then he smiled again, that smile that he should really make more often, and strangely, it made him feel better. "Thank you, for everything."


End file.
